Random Rooms
by SapSorrow
Summary: Inspired by a reference in TOS to the fact that The Enterprise has a bowling alley - got me wondering - what other curious rooms are there on board? So here are some little fics of many genres, mostly crack, dedicated to the curious and unexpected corners of our favourite starship! And as always in these crack fics some gentle Spirk and even gentler Chulu!
1. The Bowling Alley

**Random Rooms**

**The Bowling Alley**

"Say Spock – you want to go bowling Friday?"

It occurs to Kirk that it sounds almost better to be asking the question than it would be to actually make use of The Enterprise's on- board bowling alley. It sounds cool, like the casual drawl of the youth of a dozen bad and extremely old earth movies. It conjures up images of a laid back, casual childhood – a childhood he never actually had and is enjoying imagining.

Spock blinks rapidly, looking up from his work station as though working out in his mind both what the question means, refers to and would ultimately entail.

"I do not know" he replies carefully – "I would have to engage in further research this thing you call bowling"

"Geez Spock you don't need to research it! You just go do it!"

"Captain I am sure I would need first to know exactly what it was I was doing –"

"Kind of a no – brainer Spock, you just go along, throw some balls, eat some curly fries and push some buttons on some –" Kirk stops just shy of saying either "Jukebox" or "Slot machine" realising as he speaks the nightmare that would be entailed in explaining either of these things to Spock.

"Well I can't speak for the Vulcan Jim but I'll sure as hell join you. I had a helluva throw in my day" chimes in Bones. Inwardly Kirk sighs, Bones having just utterly ruined any potential dating aspect the event could have had but on the other hand it's better than just having Spock frown at him as though he has suggested a bouncy castle afternoon. Kirk forces himself to stop smirking at the image of Spock on a bouncy castle and swivels round to grin at Bones instead –

"Thank you Bones! Thank you for playing! Okay who else is up for it? Tomorrow night, bowling alley on Deck twenty one?"

Everyone else, it appears is up for it, Sulu quietly asserts that he will destroy them all, Uhura says nothing knowing that actually _she _will be the one to do that and Bones threatens to make Chekov his next patient if he even begins to suggest that the first bowling alleys were built in Moscow. Chekov sullenly mumbles something about St Petersburg but otherwise the decision to make this an event goes through without incident.

The next day is Friday and in the afternoon Kirk sidles up to Spock's station, breezily feigning casual disinterest –

"So Spock –" he begins, resting his elbows on Spock's shiny work surface – "You – er – given any more thought to our bowling proposal tonight?"

"I have indeed Captain –" Spock says, neutral as ever and continuing to not even look away from his work as he speaks – "I have researched this past – time or perhaps tradition of yours thoroughly and perceive it to be considered both an amusing diversion and an effective team building exercise –"

"So….?"

"So, though we are already in possession of a highly effective team, I have concluded that, in the spirit of testing all new potential diversions that may prove beneficent –"

"Good god man!" yells Bones from across the Bridge – "Are you coming bowling or not?"

"I will join you on this occasion Captain" Spock concludes.

"Good man!" Kirk slaps him on the shoulder in what Spock has long ago worked out is, curious though it seems, a gesture of camaraderie in humans – "You're on my team though" he grins, returning to his chair with an amazing grin on his face.

Later that night, in the bowling alley Bones staunchly refuses to be on Kirk and Spock's team, leading Spock to wonder for some time exactly what he meant by "Going all mushy on each other". They take Uhura instead and consequently utterly destroy the opposing team despite Sulu's unparalleled efforts.

"High five Spock!" Kirk whoops, holding up his hand. Spock stares at it curiously.

"Slap my hand in celebration!" Kirk clarifies.

"Captain why would I do such a thing?" Spock frowns in deepest puzzlement when to a Vulcan such a gesture would be indicative of a brief yet somewhat violent make out session.

For ten minutes the rest of the crew sit back, eating replicator curly fries and watching as their Captain teaches the First Officer the complex technicalities of the high five.

Later Kirk is delighted to hear Spock's conclusive analysis on the evening's diversion which is that –

"It appears to bordering on the pointless and yet as you strangely diverting and I would not be one hundred percent adverse to attempting it again."

_x_

**So this is an idea I've been brewing since the episode "The Naked Time" in which we find out that there is apparently a bowling alley on Deck 21 of The Enterprise. For some reason this amused me deeply and I got to wondering what other weird rooms there might be that one might not expect on a star ship. So I'm doing a bunch of silly ficlets about them. Obviously I had to start with the bowling alley. If anyone has any suggestions I'm willing to take any that are feasible!**

**Also – I've posted it here – but I'm hearing the characters in this more as they are in TOS than reboot. I think. Anyone? :-) **


	2. The Music Room

**Well this always happens to me, I said this was gonna be a crack fic and then I write a chapter and it comes out totally serious and kinda feelsy. Still, here t'is.**

**(If you possibly can, listen to Beethoven's "Appassionata" and read this at the same time, it's not completely necessary but may enhance the read!)**

**The Music Room #1.**

It begins quietly enough, an uneventful night that sees most of the alpha shift kicking back, having some drinks and talking or playing cards in the rec room on deck three.

It begins with three soft notes, gentle chords drifting softly from the music room across the hall, a slow innocuous suggestion of tune that creeps through the closed door of the music room and across this part of the ship. Slow but struggling with tension, darker and darker notes creeping, none too gradually in until the listeners feel on edge from it, until you can tell that the player is tensely balanced on a tightrope of technical perfection and broiling anger. Barely a minute of this before the music comes crashing in in short tense staccato bursts, alternately lulling the listener into edgy moments of false security and jagged bursts of angry slamming upon the keys of the piano.

Even before the tune begins to slide in through the chords most of the rec room has paused in what they are doing to listen, wondering as they do who on the ship can play like that, how angry they have to be to play like that and what can have made them angry enough to play like that. Several of them marvel in the knowledge that they would probably never be able to plumb a depth of emotion to play so furiously or indeed ever have that inside them.

When the tune fully slides in it is a relief to all, you can hear it in the player as he surely sways very slightly to its dancing beat, hear the pauses and the trembling between the violently dancing fingers. But it increases, it comes on in waves, surely the player is in a trance with it, eyes closed, head floating on that space of music that carries you like the sea, weathering a year's worth of storms and stills in the space of these few minutes.

But each new crash and cascade of notes as the music rises can only remind the player how angry they are, how their own internal sea storms and heaves and trembles in teetering carefully controlled rushes of note that sound terribly like threats. Then the tune is back and it is angry, that calming influence, all that carefully controlled sound at war with the crashing chords and surely the war must rage from the heart that plays. You cannot play this with your fingers, it only can come from the heart. And yet for all of the rage in the music you could not be ruled in this by heart alone; you must force it down so that the brain can remember, order, tension, balance, control, the heart surges but it must be put down enough to play the melody right. And the melody is right, not a note is dropped or missed.

But there is bitterness here, yes and seething rage and all must be both concealed and revealed to create the perfect harmony, they must play alongside until the storm abates and these beautiful moments of crystal clarity can shine through and surely – you come to think – one person alone cannot be playing this to get it perfectly – you would need two, one to be the mind and one to be the heart for surely both cannot exist in such extremes within one vessel.

It calms. Then is begins again. Rise and fall, rise and fall. And rise and rise in an ecstasy of catharsis as the first movement rushes to its close in a scream of sound and fury like a warrior reaching breaking point and hurling themselves berserk into battle seconds before the battle ends.

Everyone in the rec room seems to heave a collective sigh as the piece enters its second movement, a movement like still upon the sea, gentle ripples of waves and the sun coming out across the surface, covering up those frightening depths.

"Wouldn't want to get on their bad side" murmurs Dr McCoy as he returns to his brandy, feeling after that like having sailed a violent sea, and feeling rather queasy from it. He puts his finished drink down on the table, bids his crew mates a courteous goodnight and steps out into the corridor.

"Jim?" he exclaims – "What the devil are you doing down there?"

The Captain is sat on the floor, the very picture of a washed out and discarded toy, leaning his forehead against the cool smoothness of the wall just beside the music room door.

"If I was a different person – and I didn't know Spock – I'd say he was doing it on purpose to make me feel like shit" he sighs, turning to look at the doctor, smiling so weakly McCoy knows he really is upset. Kirk squeezes his eyes shut tight for several seconds because they seem to be prickling. McCoy frowns –

"That's _Spock?" _he boggles.

Kirk raises an eyebrow in silent affirmation –

"Well who else on this ship can pull of a perfect Appasionata? Oh for _fuck's_ sake –" he groans as the calming lull of the second movement comes to a close and the last movement springs straight in upon its heels like an angry dog that doesn't want to give up and this time it's a no – hold's – barred flurry of savage playing, the definitive musical _fuck this shit and fuck you all _Kirk thinks aware that his interior monologue is a whole lot less eloquent than the outer one that Spock is delivering.

"You know you could just go in there and say you're sorry" suggests McCoy.

"Three minutes into the third movement - are you shitting me? He'd tear me a new one."

McCoy pats him on the shoulder –

"Y'know sometimes I think you and I know two different Spocks". Kirk looks at him incredulously and rolls his eyes at the doctor's slowness. As if after all this time he has not noticed that there _are _two different Spocks at war behind that calm façade.

"I'll be fine Bones" Kirk adds with a sigh – "I'll give it five minutes – then it'll be safe to go in."

"You take care Jim" McCoy pats him again as he heads off down the corridor – "Goodnight".

"'night Bones" Kirk floats the words out after him absently, getting to his feet as his friend departs, taking advantage of a brief lull in the music to rise steadily. It hurts, every angry rush of notes that dash their way to the close is like Spock is shouting at him. He rather wishes Spock _would_ just shout at him. The annoyance expresses so much more hurt than words. The music rushes faster and faster, that curious balance of passionate rage and technical perfection – complete musical harmony. Kirk is surprised that whatever is being released in this outpouring could not take on a life of its own and start stalking the halls of the ship.

Well the way things go around here it possibly could.

When the last chords come crashing down Kirk gives it the several moments that he knows he would need if he had just made that musical outpouring. Then he gives it the time he can feel it taking for Spock, reaching out just tentatively enough to hear a not quite worded affirmative in Spock's head that yes, it's alright for him to enter now.

When he goes in Spock is just closing the piano lid calmly, turning around on the stool to look up at him expectantly. He knows what he is going to say, has been able to hear him saying it ever since they stormed off in opposite directions earlier that evening.

"Spock I'm sorry" Kirk says, simply.

Spock nods and though his face never changes Kirk can feel him smile gently. Can feel too that now, finally the calm exterior extends all the way into him, washed clean by music.

"Yes Jim" he says and there is a warm calm to the tone of it that is all the forgiveness Kirk could need – "I know."

_x_

**So this took root in an idea given me by WeirdLittleStories (Thank you!) and then kinda grew into its own beast! One of my favourite things about Spock is his musicality and I got really hooked on the idea of him doing something as majorly emotional as Beethoven's Appassionata. If this chapter seems kinda rushed it's because I basically wrote it with the piece playing at the same time, with a few pauses and minimal redrafting to try and make a written equivalent of the sonata. I hope it works! If it does I may revisit this room in a later chapter (I very nearly had him do Rachmaninov's 3****rd**** in D Minor but that just seemed **_**too **_**hard core!) **

**Before I lose everyone in the wake of my classical music nerdery however I will probably stick to your regularly scheduled crack in the next chapter for I believe we have a swimming pool to visit….! :-)**

**Thank you all and good night!**


	3. Room of Requirement

**This is madness! Pure madness! I cannot apologise enough!**

**Room of Requirement**

"Captain all my readings are proving only that this room cannot technically or possibly exist upon this ship" Spock announces, standing up straight in the corridor outside the door to the room of requirement that has sprung up there over the last few days.

Spock and Kirk have gone to the door, currently situated on deck four after more and more of the crew have started talking excitedly about a new room they have discovered on the ship – except that it has been a different room for everyone who has encountered. For Sulu it was, as he reported the "the weapons training room of dreams" where all manner of interplanetary and historical weapons had been available for training in amongst the most fantastical botanical garden. For Scotty it had contained the most amazing array of bottles of antique Scotch, and he had got lost there for a entire weekend. Chekov had insisted, bizarrely, that it was the exact same bedroom he had had as a child and Uhura, who had suddenly started contemplating a need for sushi had found the most amazing sushi bar she had never known existed.

"So it's official then – this room does not actually exist?" Kirk pronounces frowning.

"Indeed Captain, nor should it need to when we have fully functioning simulator rooms on other of the recreation decks."

"Spock, your conclusions?"

"All I can imagine captain is that we have once again fallen prey to the – I must say – more than usually nonsensical whim of a fan fiction author."

"Again?" Kirk groans – "After all the madness they got up to with my shirts? And the slash fic? And - and – I just can't Spock, I don't know if I even _can _any more with these fanfic writers – seriously I mean look how they're making me talk? I don't even know if I'm Shatner or Pine anymore!"

"I concur Captain, I do seem to have found myself saying "Logical" every few words – and I believe there are people out there trying to get me in a Romantic scenario with Lietenant Uhura!"

"I know what this is Captain!" announces Scotty, running excitedly up the corridor towards them – "I've been looking into the problem we have here and it seems that this here door is the result of someone rudely slipping a cross–over chapter into a non cross over piece of fiction! This room belongs to the Harry Potter fandom!"

"Well then what the devil's it doing on my ship?"

"Fanfic writers captain" Scotty shakes his head in interminable despair – "Fanfic writers. There's no cure for it I'm afraid"

"Well I suppose it can't hurt –" Kirk begins at which point a girl with pale hair and a dreamy expression pops through the door, looks curiously from one of them to another, says –

"Oh I'm so sorry – wrong fandom" and dives back through the door again.

"This is becoming ridiculous" Kirk announces.

"This thing goes both ways?" Scotty frowns, looking fascinated at the same time – "I always wanted to visit Hogwarts as a boy!"

"Scotty I'm warning you –"

"There has to be a logical explanation for this!" Says Dana Scully, suddenly appearing for no reason from inside the room.

"No –" Spock says slowly – "No this time I suspect very much not –" then adding for very little reason beyond that of bad writing – "Most illogical."

The crew of The Enterprise sit tight and wait for the madness to pass.

_x_

**I don't know, I seem to be suffering from the most terrible crack attack. I don't know why this happened. **

**On the plus side I'm contemplating using the previous chapter as the first chapter of a new fic in which I explore the Spock - playing – music theme through a selection of different pieces of music – what do people think? **

**I apologise again for this :-)**


	4. Holodeck: The Rollercoaster

**Holodeck 1 # The Rollercoaster**

"Whose idea was this again?" Kirk frowns as they approach the rollercoaster that has recently been programmed into the holodeck simulation.

"I do believe it was yours Captain" Spock returns impassively.

"No, it can't have been –"

"Oh it was so!" Bones confirms, Spock half chancing to dart a look at him that suggests he is just as nervous when the doctor agrees with him than vice versa.

"Sorry as I am to confirm the doctor's opinion –" Bones shoots Spock a glare right back – "You did indeed say - and I believe this is verbatim "It'll be great fun! It's a great way to relax!"

"Spock don't repeat my tone as well as my words it's very disconcerting."

"I am sorry captain. Though I have to say I fail to see the appeal of this activity and am uncertain as to how it works."

"What do you mean "How it works?"" frowns Bones.

"For example – how long does this thing you call a _ride _last?"

Kirk shrugs enormously.

"How long is a piece of string?"

Spock stops walking as the captain and doctor carry on, reaching the start of the ride. He frowns, looks thoughtful and says –

"Surely it would depend upon the piece of string?"

"What?" Kirk calls back over his shoulder.

"Moreover I do not see the relevance of your question at this time."

Kirk sighs, not quite as deeply as Bones.

"It's an expression Spock it means – well, as you say it means it depends upon the event itself."

"Captain a piece of string is not an event –"

"God damn it Spock just get in a seat!"

Spock watches the others get mistrustfully for a while and eventually gets in after them carefully. Seconds later they clatter down the tracks at a rate of knots, Kirk whooping, Bones yelling "THIS IS NOT RELAXING!" and Spock sitting placidly watching the tracks go by with a continuously contemplative and utterly placid expression.

"Why?" Bones wails as they get off – "Why do I let you talk me into these things? I'm gonna die."

"Come on Bones! That was fun! Let's do it again!"

"Not on your damned life!"

"Spock? Oh why am I even –"

"On the contrary Jim I will join you in repeating this experience."

Kirk's eyes widen in delight –

"Spock? Did you actively _enjoy _so illogical an experience?"

It is highly possible that Spock makes one of those barely perceptible smiles that only Kirk can see.

"I am not certain Captain" he replies smoothly, utterly deadpan – "Hence the necessity to try it again."

Kirk grins with no attempt to hide it, deciding to himself that before the day is out he will have brought Spock round to the concept of waving one's arms in the air and screaming as they go round.

_x_

**I've not been around for a while due to holidaying at the best theme park ever in Holland….needless to say I just got back today and HAD to write this! :-) **


	5. The Tardis Room

**This is for ****_Thelittlebeast _****who requested a Tardis room – enjoy! :-)**

**The Tardis Room**

That morning the crew of the Enterprise are woken by a strange loud whooshing noise and Kirk receives a call from Scotty that there has been a security breach on deck four. Within minutes most of the Alpha shift have gathered around a strange door that has appeared in the corridor wall.

It is not a door any of them have ever seen before, a blue door rather like that on an old Earth police box.

"Scotty – any clue as to the nature of this – occurrence?" Kirk asks.

"I'm at a loss Captain – I've never seen anything like it!"

"Spock? Are you picking anything up?"

Spock looks up from investigating the door frame and admits himself similarly at a loss to understand how the door appeared here, wedged between two others that lead to staff cabins. He can tell only that it is an entire new room that has appeared, the inside of which can be no larger than either of the cabins either side of it.

"Well – does it seem safe?" Kirk asks – "Can we go in?"

"I am picking up no indications of danger" Spock replies. He has barely even finished speaking before Kirk has pushed the door open. Moments later he comes out shaking his head in disbelief –

"It's –" he begins wordlessly, one by one the rest of the crew file in and come out doing the exact same thing, all of them getting as far as "It's –" and breaking off out of no desire to speak the obvious. Finally Spock pokes his head around the door, makes a brief sound of interest and states, what they are all of them thinking –

"It does appear to have a larger interior than the exterior would suggest possible." He looks thoughtful for a moment – "Captain I believe I have heard of this – such technology is native to the planet of Gallifrey."

"Gallifrey?" Kirk frowns – "Wasn't that entire planet destroyed?"

"Indeed Captain, but due to a poorly derived plot loophole contrived by an unimpressive script writer it bizarrely reappeared some time later, effectively re-writing canon with no adequate explanation."

Kirk shakes his head trying to take this in –

"Gentlemen I propose we set a course for the planet Gallifrey and attempt to discover how we have acquired a room of their technology."

"I admit I am most curious to speak with these people" Spock adds.

"In the meantime what shall we do with this room? I must say it could come in handy." Says Kirk.

Nobody replies for everyone has silently come to their own perfect conclusion on this.

_x_

Over the next few days almost all of the crew members slip one by one to the Tardis room to hide the contraband cargo they have all secretly been keeping in their cabins. Consequently when Kirk investigates a week later he opens the door and is within second engulfed beneath a mighty wave of tribbles.

A muffled cry of _I hate you all! _Floats out across the ship from beneath the happily purring pile.

_x_

**Yes, that's what the crew would do with a tardis: infinite tribbles!**

**In case nobody noticed I do like Dr Who, but I really really dislike Stephen Moffat – probably because y'know I ****_like _****Dr Who and he's done nothing but ruin it for me ever since season five. ****_Day of the Doctor _****was the final straw and now sadly I don't watch it at all any more. But anyway – I always kinda wanted to do a little cross over – I won't be following the crew to Gallifrey but if anyone wants to take that plot and run with it they're welcome!**


	6. Observatory

**The Observatory**

It was three days into shore leave when Spock got a call requesting he meet up with Kirk in the local Starfleet base's observatory room.

"You requested me Captain?" Spock appeared almost silently in the observatory's main dome – "I was given to understand it was urgent?"

Kirk shifted a little uncomfortably and determinedly did not alter his stance, hands behind his back, looking intently and thoughtfully out at the sky.

"Urgent is such a strong word" he could not help but sound just the tiniest bit guilty – "I believed the word I used was _imminently."_

"Might I then require as to the cause?" Spock walked over to stand beside him, his eyes following Kirk's gaze upwards out the windows.

"I see" he nodded a moment later, as a streak of light flashed by outside – "Yes I recall the meteor shower was scheduled for this location, beginning tonight at ten thirty eight precisely."

"Spock shh –" Kirk whispered – "For once just watch the pretty lights."

Beyond the sky lights flashed and sparked like a more elegant firework display, all the brighter and more dazzling for their being in the midst of it. A display with more weight and worth, Kirk thought, unable and indeed unwilling to force back the spread of warmth that infused him at the sight of the cosmological dance outside. To know that they sailed a ship through these dancing waters shuddered something inside him that skirted the border between the awe inspiring and the humbling.

It was only natural in this phosphorescent ocean for his hand to find Spock's.

"Captain –" Spock frowned, fractionally, though he did not, Kirk noticed, extricate his hand – "Am I to understand that you consider this some form of Romantic liaison?"

"Spock –" Kirk murmured – "You start upon the technical assimilation of a predictable meteor even with me and I will kick your unromantic ass. I _know _the science Spock."

"And yet you persist in sentimental association regarding the viewing of the event" Spock replied, in atone that could only sound non – judgemental coming from him – "Fascinating."

"I suppose it is strange –"

"To travel through the stars and yet still be mystified, intrigued in fact by them?" Kirk began to nod before Spock surprised him by saying, as they sat down on the observatory bench;

"No Jim it is not so strange."

"Spock I was all ready for an unweaving the rainbow speech. Don't do this to me."

"Of course – " Spock nodded – "It is no less important, if not more so to appreciate the beauty of how a thing works rather than the thing itself. Wonderment however, that spirit of curiosity – a thing I believe we both share – that can never be under – rated when it leads to the endeavours and achievements we see around us in our work every day."

"Spock" Kirk smiled, clasping his other hand gently and enthusiastically all at once – "You never cease to surprise me. Truly you keep unfolding like a flower."

Spock's eyebrows knitted a little;

"Captain – a flower does not _keep _unfolding, that would be –"

If Kirk had had a free hand he would have face – palmed.

"Spock!" he yelled, laughing instead.

"Might I make a suggestion Captain?"

"Of course you may Commander."

"Next time you require my presence for personal reasons simply state that in your communication?"

"That – wouldn't sound so great now would it Spock? "Would first officer Spock please rendezvous with Captain Kirk for star gazing?" – maybe not."

"Point conceded Captain."

"Just understand that next time I get you up here it'll be to talk constellation patterns and mythology."

"With pleasure Captain, agreed."

**_x_**

**There actually is an observatory deck on The Enterprise, and I originally wrote this on there, but have since had it pointed out to me that a meteor storm would not be visible from a Starship and I am a total idiot (well that wasn't pointed out to me but is true all the same!) So I put them on shore leave which means this chapter doesn't _really _fit the theme but never mind, it's better than abysmal science :-)**

**On a side note, this was based on the fact that last night we got a fantastic view of a meteor shower in the north of England. It was all Romantic and stuff only the one time we actually saw a shooting star at the same time – cause we kept looking in different parts of the sky – I yelled in excitement, flailed and hit my hand against a bin. So there's romance for you.**

**In other news – I ****_had _****to write something after seeing that and a return to my beloved space husbands seemed to only way to go. I realised, being able to pick them up like this after a while how much they really are my dearest otp. I love.**


End file.
